Moody people-pleaser or affectionate bad loser?

Moody people-pleaser or affectionate bad loser?

If you have more than one child, you are probably already aware of the birth order theory which expounds that one's place in the family is just as important as one's genetic blueprint. Experts seem to have a differing opinions on which birth place means what (if anything) but from my informal, playground straw polls, it seems that the real experts - us mamas - have got it nailed. Because we are the ones for whom the very worst behaviour is saved, remember?

The bottom line is that all children want attention from their parents. The more kids there are, the harder this is to grab and so the more inventive a child needs to be to succeed. 

This is how it plays out (at least in my family):

Why mamas who 'bounce back' are doing more harm than good

Why mamas who 'bounce back' are doing more harm than good

We ALL remember what it is like to give birth. How can we forget? It is gruesome. Or at least, it is most probably the most demanding, physical act that you will ever accomplish. It is not, in any way, pretty, groomed or neat and tidy: your body is a mess; the baby comes out in a mess; you make a mess. The whole thing is MESSY.

Are you letting shame block your power?

Are you letting shame block your power?

And because shame is one of the most pervasive and horrible emotions to truly feel, most of us will do anything not to feel it: pretending we are someone else (putting on a mask), numbing out through various forms of addiction (alcohol, TV, exercise, sex or drugs) or going to the other extreme and thinking we are much better than everyone else (becoming judgmental, defensive and mean). But there is no other way out.

Shame needs to be felt - in all of its toe-curling glory – in order to move through and out of us.

Wild & free or solid & predictable: what flavour are you?

Wild & free or solid & predictable: what flavour are you?

Are you a creature of habit? Or someone that needs constant change?

It doesn’t really matter which camp you fall into as long as you know which makes you feel most content.

I’m both. I eat the same thing for breakfast and lunch pretty much every single day. I go to the same yoga class with the same teacher twice a week (ideally Bikram) and I cycle the kids to school and back twice a day in our dutch cargo bike (aka our wendy house on wheels). I don’t go out that much so that my introvert is satisfied and I feel calmest when my surroundings are neat and tidy.  All these things make me feel secure and grounded. This is my bourgeois side.

But I also need adventure, freedom and times during which I have very few possessions. I thrive on being The Other, on not knowing what might happen next; I love having my core beliefs challenged and having to think on my toes. This my bohemian side.

Are you a destination addict?

Are you a destination addict?

Destination addiction. It's a tricky one. Are you also a sufferer?

I am. Sometimes. (She says sheepishly).

Well, aren't we all a little? Because isn't it just so much easier to kid yourself that if only 'x' changed, then you would be able to be truly happy: your job, your house, your income, your kids' behaviour, your partner, your weight?